Well.. LoL Whoa Where Ta Start...
(( Listening to Sugababes- Here I go, Falling In Love Again ))

Um... I'm just going to skip the drama becuz i'd rather not remember it anymore. Um.. we started softball practice last tuesday .. the softball smacked both of my wrist.. once smacked my left wrist bone.. the ball mark is still there n dun hurt as much. my right arm got smacked above my wrist n dun hurt at all ne more. Tuesday is our second practice 6-8pm again.. Spring break is ok.. jus cant wait to git bak to school. Me and Jason are going to try to work things out and maybe get bak together when things are better.. *i hope*! he dunno who he loves but i hope its me!
me n my mum r gittin better now.. we talk bout things.. well she forced me to lol. she was all "are you a nonvirgin?" "did yu like it" I was all.. MOM IM A VIRGIN!! good god lol! it was funnii n annoyin. n i wanted to cry so bad hearin bout my mums past.. ((listening to sugababes - promises ))

its ok to go n make mistakes.. its ok to break a promise since ya movin on ne way, i hate da way it makes me feel inside, yu promised me yud b all that i need, i wonder why yu lied.. promises yu make, comin bak to haunt yu, dun whisper in my ear, yu gotta learn to say goodbye..
yu gave me time to think bout yu n me, i hate da way yu made me feel inside, i wonder why yu lied..

*siiiigh* im bored. I got sick again last night, Why does God keep me around? Why don't he just kill me off instead of letting me suffer? I mean I'm not needed in this damned world ya kno. I fucked up to many times anyways. Shit! 2morrow is my mental health session at 4.. shit .. shit..shit..shit!! I DUN WANNA GO!!!! *cries* oo I got my hair cut yesterday it looks rele cool.. short around my shoulders, n layered. \m/ it rox!!! I was going to get my belly button pierced but my dad didn't go out to poker last night so I couldn't. I might sometime. I didn't even have to ask my mom lol! *yawns* I'm tired was up all morning didn't git no sleep but 2 hrs.. n 5 hrs later in da day.. woke up at 3pm. but ima git off n go to bed so ... See yall!!

much luvz

Cass x0x0x

<33 Jason *repeat.. we aint together ((i wish))*


<- i'll be freaking to day til dawn ->



GOOD NITE ALL YOU FREAKS!!

Deep Breath.. n Let Go
me n drea broke up n we jus stayin best friends.. me n steph r best friends too..
steph helped me with jason n tony.. thanks grl! love you.
me n tony broke up today.. jus a cuz he said he cant trust me.. ok watever fine! jason comforted me though (thanks bro).. see last night or rather in da mornin also.. muh mom told me that if i dun straighten up i could b taken away from them becuz they cant handle me.. n she also told me that if she could she would beat me.. n da way she is she may not stop.. n i sat crying n cuttin my left arm.. right n left side da left side is worse then da right side cuz i was goin crazy cuttin.. it didnt hurt.. til today. ( i didnt cut to deep dun wry )
last night at blazers was awsome also!!! cept fo jesse downed happy pills n she was all laffin n stuff .. n then she started sayin she was dizzy n we thought she was kiddin cuz she was laffin.. then she stopped laffin.. n she was jus fallin everywhere.. she didnt wanna call home or go home wit ne one.. so they hada call 911.. gawd it was so scary n im still hopin shes ok.. oo shit n i got a hickey damn.. n i french kissed sumone who smokes to much dude.. lol i hada brush my tongue 3 times or sumthin.. i cant believe that i got a hickey.. damn i musta been hyper as hell or sumthin.. -_-" SEE DA AFFECTS OF BEIN HYPER!! lol! but i had a great time dancin n shit.. it was jus fuckin fun (once again cept da jess part) but cha kno to think bout it cant blame tony for not trustin me.. but cha kno what he cant stop me from having my fun!
i still love him so fuckin much but oh well ya kno.. im outta his head, life, n he dun like or love me.. oh my bad he likes me.. as a friend n im cool.. ok watdafuckever! i fuckin give up on him!
as for derek.. i dunno wtf goin on wit that boi at this moment heh.
ooo oo veronica is hott! hahaha! I WANT HER!!! :p
charlie didnt seem to happy at blazers last night to think of it.. but oh well.
um.. um.. wat else? THESE CUTS R FUCKIN ANNOYIN!!

at this moment im listening to celine dion "my heart will go on" n thinkin of jason.. god i kno all hes done.. n currently done.. but i mean.. i fuckin love him so much it hurts not to give in!!!!
I have nothin else to say.. so um.. adios! lol..

much luvz

0x0x Cassi3 x0x0



Lovin him is like stabbing myself repeatingly in the heart,

I want to go away..
(Listening to: Story Of the Year - Until the day I die)
WOO!! Da song Rox!! n so does Swallow the Knife! n This Feeling.. n divide n conquer..(reallii da only ones i kno).*newho*..
I can't wait til im old enough to move out.. me n tony gon move in together hehe. hell b 17 tho lol but he dun give a fuck! neitha do i. I love him soooo much.. i really believe this relationship is gon finally work. I cant wait til i see him sumtime mayb this summa or sumtime soon.. real soon.. xoxo I LOVE YU TONY! xoxo
of course me and derek broke up becuz he believed we should b single fo a while.. n then 2 days lata he askin me to give him another chance and he was crying. I felt bad though. but i mean ya kno heh..
n me n jason got together da day me n derek broke up but broke up da next day becuz of things i found out from Tiny (steph), like one of my best friends! n now he wants me back heres a poem to me in his profile:

out of love
Missing you

just wait Givin it all I got for you

Or am I better off alone?
To be myself in this state of extacy
Your purfume mixed with my calogne
Missing the smell of you
The taste of your lips
The feel of your fingers laced with mine
As my breathe danced across your lips
Those were the days
Standing on the dock
Dancing to the sound of crickets
Lying fearlessly in eachothers arms
Coming to the fact
Now
I guess its true
I miss everything about you

It's sweet, made me cry n smile, but ya kno heh. Lotta stuff he said last night made me kinda cry n smile n hella speechless.. I'll always love him my feelings will never change (same fo derek n mike n sean).. but im wit tony and thats it. Me n drea still together! ^.^ woohoo! lol She's enjoyin her life its great im happy fo her.
I'ma be goin to mental health (FINALLY!) but see heres the thing.. its at night so im really not gon b on much which sux.. n tryin to fit round my sball schedule when i git one lol. ya sum of my friends started practice already ya kno n i havent! 2morrow they gon call me let muh mum kno when my first session is (betta not b friday night!!). I have to act as if my dad dont live wit me n my mom lol.. I wish he didnt!!!! he whines n bitches to much ya kno even bout small lil teeny weeny tiny things!! my rents r still jumpin down my throat n they neva did THIS much.. its like I understand we havin a bad time but yu aint gotta fuckin blame me! muh mom said her n my dad r always arguin bout me.. aight i see.. ok then why dun i jus run away then mayb yall wont have ta fuckin deal wit me! how bout that huh? sound good? I think it does! ...
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damn ok im calm lol..
Lunch time is crazy.. me n dani n all them b talkin bout sex.. how big italian guys dicks r lol.. n jus bleh! n today i ENJOYIN my chocolate puddin wit whip cream i tell ya hehe! n we were arguin bout whos fat n stuff haha i kept sayin im fat n ugly at least veronica didnt smack me hehe!.. but i am fat ya kno!!! even tho ppl say im not! hehe.. i jus love pissin em off ya kno! ArGh! my dad wont shut da hell up bout fo me to get off.. grr so i better go til 2morrow yall! pz*

much luvz

cassii x0x0

<33 Tony

ps. lol tony reminded me to do this so ya! thanks babii

Happy & Sad
Me n Drea started dating march 25/04 again..
Finally talked to derek on da fone this morning.. told him everything...
got tony sayin he hated me da next day.. n then later in da day tellin me he deserves my life n other shit.. lol its quite amusin..
me n derek broke up.. heres da convo..
oser3: ... crazziiLoser3: KNOCK IT OFF!
MaskNought: what?
crazziiLoser3: goin on.. and off.. on n off
MaskNought: sorry
MaskNought: -_- geez you are a little irritable
crazziiLoser3: ....
crazziiLoser3: looks who talkin.. "wheres the reset button?"
MaskNought: right back at you
crazziiLoser3: oh brother..
crazziiLoser3: i aint gotta put up with this.. adios *leaves*
MaskNought: fine, leave me...
MaskNought: hmm, i see...
MaskNought: well sorry i did not live up to your expectations, but just so you know i still love ya

im crazziiLoser3..

ne how.. n like im single of a guy.. n so on.. n jason is such a sweetheart at this moment.. i think im fallin in love with him again.. i dunno.. it feels like we startin ova.. but i better go its 11pm... pz out all..

much luvz

.x.Sandra.x.

ps. im okay

uh... bored.. dont mind this lol
i DON'T KNOW i'M BORED!!!
well today i was lookin cute lol.. part hoey haha. but i looked good ^.^! um.. Veronica likes me.. haha.. YAY! i like her too! I wanna ask her out but i dunno. Mayb ill stick wit derek, yup! um.. this thing is random lol!
-_- Jason, Tony, n Derek all wanna marry me.. *sigh*.. what is so special bout me?
Drea's life is jsut PEACHY in ohio lol.. shes lil miss popularity lol.. I kno sumthin bout her!!! but im not tellin so dun bug me!!! ne ways this is bogus i have nothing to put in here.. no updates..
i still dunno bout blazers this friday.. n in april is da "save the last dance" dance i may go.. not in costume lol.. wtf they expect us to wear!.. ima go.. adios.. til next time! love yall

x.x. Sandra .x.x

<3333??? Dunno

TrYiN.. To.. UpDaTe
Um.. lol.. Me and derek r doing great. Muh mum cant work ne more. me n tony r jus friends.. hes with my best friend too!!! (hurt her yu die) me n jason r kinda shakey.. but we still close as hell. Neva gon leave each otha.. He's coming in the summa! YAY!.. I still love him.. but oh well.. im with derek and in love with him too.. waaay in love. Speakin of derek I miss him so fuckin much!!! he's mom got the fone bill lol.. ouch!.. hes grounded from the comp and fone.. I haven't talked to him since sunday morning.. and sumtimes hed sneak online but fo short times. *pouts* I hate his mom already! lol but it was still sweet of him to stay on his home fone when i needed sumbody to talk to.. Did I mention I love him? lol.. I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!
My mom cant work anymore.. and im gittin glasses soon.. got fitting yesterday they look great on me! Next monday i go to the dentist.. whoopie lol!
Last friday at blazers there was OVA 300 ppl there.. it was pj night.. Last time im goin on pj night lol. N Manda got kicked out fo figthing.. AGAIN! Im prob goin out this friday again if derek is still grounded n if my mum will allow me.. lol. everyone wants me to go.. WOO IM DA WILDEST OF MY FRIENDS!! hehe..
Veronica gave me a hug today before leavin school.. ya kno.. lol its hard to hug when 2 girls have big boobs!! lol.. uh.. uh.. uh.. what else.. hm.. DUNNO!! Liz thinks she bi lol. i guess thats sumthin! *shrugs*.. Um.. bleh im done lol.. til next time! bye!!! Love yall!!

x0x0Sandra0x0x

<333333 Derek Lamar Embryo (haha jess n revas joke)

Entries 4m Xanga
Me + Derek -*March 8/04*- 4EvaLuv

If yall are wondering.. me and tony didn't get back together for those of yu who thought we would. Me and Derek are together and I'm happy . I do believe it was yesterday, I lost my best friend becuz of fooling around wit her bf. I was only testing him.. But if he didn't want to lose her He shoulda stopped me. But he says he didn't want to.. Ugh! But everything was my fault even if Jason says it wasn't. He really misses her too.. He won't even try to get her back cuz he think she hates him. But anywayz, bleh lol Nothing has gone on really.. Psst. *whispers*me n derek did it yesterday hahahaaha.. Tmi? yes I kno That's Why I told ya! ^.^ Me and him are going to last.. FOREVER!! I'm pregnant wit his babii .

~ Looking into your blue eyes makes me happy to know I have someone to love :: Your love is so deep I felt as If I was sinking deeply in the ocean of love :: Soon baby we'll be able to be together to feel, hug, kiss each other :: Expressing everything for each other :: This feeling is so pure I hope to let it carry on :: I love you Derek more than anything or anyone ~

Moving on...

My mummy made an appointment for a meeting with mental health.. Heh.. Fun. Mayb I'll Stab sumone *evil* hehehehe.. Well I better end this.. Til 2morrow!! Pz* Much Luv yall



x.X.x. Cass .x.X.x

<33 Derek


Public - 8:41 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it


Saturday, March 06, 2004

Heh Well, Let's start with.. me and tony took a break.. then got back together again. I really thought i had lost him.. *sigh* Then I found out jason was playing me n my friends all along cuz he was wit my friend steph october 10.. it shoulda been me and him together forever. All well, now it's going to be me and tony forever til death do us apart. I really love him alot.. I hope he knows that i want to marry him and wanna start a family when we're older. just hope we make it. Welp me and jason are close to losing each other as friends forever.. It's so close. He just won't lemme go though. Wat does it take to show him I'ma be gone outta his life forever sometime soon even if I don't want that. Drea is living with her real dad in Ohio.. I'm so happy! Really!! just a little bumbed about other things.

haha last night was awsome... went to blazers.. met ppl haha it was sooo coool... angel got a bf named robbie.. hes shorter then her n hes 16 lol.. but they r cute together. Liz broke up wit her bf shane.. FINALLY!! lol.. but our friend danielle n him r goin together.. n they were all ova each other.. it was jus sickening n hoey.. hm.. just THIS moment.. tony told me we should put our relationship off hold.. ok sure.. but i ain't waiting so.. we're over. looks like that jus ruined da fun of typing this.. later



x.X.x. CasSii .x.X.x



Public - 3:33 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it


Tuesday, March 02, 2004

~ Gazebo Fantasize ~

Winter

I want to be with yu under the stars in a gazebo,

Watching the winter snow fall holdin each other,

It's lit up with white christmas lights all around,

It was so beautiful..

I wish yu were there;



Spring

It's the spring time at night babii,

The flowers are bloomed finally,

Petals flying everywhere;

Dancing under the stars with yu,

Wind blowing ever so peacefully..

Just wish yu were there.



Get Away

Way back when..

I used to just go away to this special place,

A peaceful place to write poetry, draw, and think,

I healed so very slowly but so very amazingly;

Til life crashed,

Hell of love and other became my enemy,

I did so much to ignore the pain;

No..

My special place could not heal me,

Only the love, laughter, smiles, and warmth of a lover,

could help such little pieces mend..

Apparently, those things I could not get,

Life and love will never be happy.. just drama.



-Cass








Public - 7:48 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it


Monday, March 01, 2004

.. I'm back again.. My feelings for Jason are only a little sister missing a big brothers comfort.. There are just times I think I love him more than a brother becuz I have hard times in life. Tony loves me more than anything or anyone . It makes me smile and feel good inside when he says it.. I just can't wait til i get to see n hear him say it in real life *sighs happily*.. I cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye that I will NOT give up on Tony.. If I did I woulda gave up days ago. Dereks gf broke up wit him cuz her bf came back lmao.. PAY BACKS A BITCH HUH!!? It's raining out I'm bored.. Endin this.. n gon work on this damn site..

Public - 6:11 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it


Me n Tony are fighting constantly..I just don't know.. I'm getting tired of it.. I can't take it anymore. This relationship is so damned hard.. *sigh* i cut myself becuz I'm so upset. I tried ignore talkin to him before he left for tanning.. I can't stand arguin it makes me cry. But I mean.. i was only kiddin around n he tells me he got 152 girls on his yahoo.. GODDAMN EVEN I AINT GOT THAT MANY GUYS ON MY LISTS!! (aim msn n yahoo)..n jus like left witout sayin we love each other.. n there is no heartbroken heart on here!!!! GaRr! *bright side* ..psst *whispers*Drea is going to ask Jason out!!!.. Now if he says "no" which i doubt.. but IF he does.. IMA HURT HIM!!... but i found myself becomin a little jealous.. I mean i'm over jason.. (i think ).. but like when i see him wit another girl.. i get jealous inside becuz i be wishin i was that girl again.. *sigh* i guess i jus miss being held by him.. wit him tellin me everything is going to b ok.. but Ima b happay fo him n Drea.. I love Tony.. even if we argue alot.. but im jus a confused girl. I'm just fifteen years old ya kno,... I don't needa b in love so quickly.. but I am going in and out.

Do yall think I can trust Tony with all those girls he be around or talking to? Leave sum comments plz..

~*~Anywayz~*~ Today in 4th block I couldn't stop thinking about Drea.. .. I mean i been dreamin bout her.. its like damn i miss her but i'm not feelin as if i do. Ya kno? I never felt this way bout a GIRL!!.. ya kno a female..Good lol just checking. But ya It's weird. I have a C in Science, a C in Humanities(but poorly on tests so it'll come down), F in Inter. Alg. A (been absent to much), an almost A in Keyboarding(tooo eZ), as fo Lunch.. hmm I think i got a C or sumthin since I rarely eat.. haha NO WE DUN GIT GRDS FO LUNCH!! GEEZ... *rolls eyes*.. Dani b acting like a goddamn black woman/preppy white girl from AMBRIDGE! lol.. its hilarious.. she gon change her name.. hehe.. then she started talkin bout her sex life .. I did NOT wanna kno bout it!!

*sigh* before i go.. I'm still lookin fo a job n my mom is gittin bruises on her body to easily.. n bleh lol.. see ya til next time! *muah muah*

x.X.x. CasSii .x.X.x

<33 Tony

ps. here's what tony said when he came back..

Trapt Desires: no need to be jealous i said i could have a g/f with my characters..but i dont because im with you baby..

Jus makes yu wanna smile.. but then frown if yu knew all that's happened in the past.



Sunday, February 29, 2004

Febuary 29, 2004

A teeny weeny bit of update.. I got my baby Tony back Feb. 20.. Took a very long time cuz of da queen of sluts Kelli.. Come to think of it Kelli been fucking up everyones lives.. oh brother.. shes a goddamn psyco.. n MAJOR drama queen. She could win an oscar for lotta those. Kelli n Jason broke up.. Knew it was going to happen. but i really dont care.. psst come here.. *whispers*kelli dumped jason.. HAHAHA! But ya we all been fightin from january to feb.. all Kelli n Derek's goddamned fault.. Almost lost best friends, boyfriends, girlfriends.. Me n Drea dated bout feb 8th.. broke up uh.. dunno forgot hah. Jason said my voice sound beautiful hah.. n tony told him to stop fucking hittin on me.. IN THOSE WORDS! n bunch of threats.

Dereks a total jackass who b goin from grl to grl.. i found today that jason wanted to elope wit drea while me n him were internet married in january.. which really pisses me off.. ne wayz I'm happy with Tony.. I love him more than the world!!! *Muah* I love yu tony!!!! ( feb 4, 2004 - foreva n eva ), we all know Drea is going to take Jason back becuz Jason is going to crawl back to her.. SUCH A SURE THING!.. Theres so much shit.. that i dunno what to say.. oOoOoO i kno.. GtG Pz!!! Love Yall

x.X.x. CaSsii .x.X.x

<33 Tony